Jesus Wept (John 11:35)
There is a time for everything and a season for every activity (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)
Including mourning (grief)
Does God care about your pain?
God is the “Father of compassion and the God of all comfort” (2 Corinthians 1:3 & 4)
The Lord is near to the broken-hearted and saves the crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18)
God wants you to talk about your hurts with him “to pour our your heart to him” (Psalm 62:8)
God relates to our grief - He grieved his Son’s undeserving death on the cross.
Jesus felt grief when Lazarus died - He even knew that He would raise Lazarus from death, but in His humanity - He still felt the sadness and grief at His friend’s death.
YOUR GRIEF IS UNIQUE
Don’t suppress your feelings (Psalm 61:1-4, Matthew 5:4)
God will bless you and comfort you
Job stood up and tore his robe in grief, then he saved his head and fell to the ground to worship (Job 1:30)
Have you grieved someone? Who? How did you grieve?
GRIEF by definition: deep sorrow: the anguish experienced after significant loss.
Grief affects a person physically, not just emotionally, mentally, spiritually - increased inflammation & joint pain, headaches, digestive problems, lower immunity, cardiovascular problems, don’t sleep, sleep too much, unhealthy coping mechanisms, depression, etc
Grief can obstruct view of God
“My faith isn’t helping” Psalm 143:7-8. Philippians 4:19. Psalm 23:4
Analogy - you’re sitting in a basement with the curtains closed. It’s dark, even though it’s the middle of the day. Grief is like the curtain - keeps you in the dark - blocking your view from the SON - He’s still there - He will never leave you - you just have to let Him in.
Don’t numb your pain (Isaiah 55:2)
Loss is still there, but now you’ve added new problems (addiction/bills/etc)
Let your friends help. (Exodus 17:12). Moses let his friends help hold his hands. Don’t let pride, self-pity stop you.
What are some ways you can turn to Jesus for comfort?
Turning to God for help is an intentional act in times of anxiety.
How can you make turning to God a habit when fears come?
Be honest with God - LAMENT (Job 3:20-21, 3:25-26, Psalm 22:1, 56:8)
Lament by definition - a passionate expression of grief or sorrow
WHY?
No right to demand answers from God - Lamenting can lead to finding God on a different level of knowledge - of God and your relationship with Him.
The difference between demanding answers and asking questions is demanding is “entitlement” and asking questions is just trying to understand.
We serve God - He does not serve us - KNOWING the “why” doesn’t change anything but knowing God is in control is comforting.
THE REASON WE SUFFER
All of us have disobeyed God - since Adam and Eve - we all sin, God can not tolerate sin since He is pure and holy.
“The wages of sin is death” Romans 6:23
The penalty for sin is suffering in this life and physical death and then eternal punishment in hell.
BUT WE HAVE HOPE
God is Love (I John 4:8)
The Lord is compassionate and gracious slow to anger abounding in love (Psalm 103:8)
God rescued us from the eternal punishment by sending his SON (John 3:16)
Hope in the BIBLE does not mean “wishful thinking” it is an absolute certainty that something will come to pass. We can put our HOPE in God’s WORD.
Time heals - not true
Time with Jesus heals - TRUTH
Ownership vs Stewardship (Psalm 89:11)
Our loved one does not belong to us. God gave us the gift of that person in our life but gave us stewardship of that person “take care of” “entrusted”
Boomerang Joy - pour out to others and it comes back to you
Always remember YOU ARE A CHILD of GOD and that All things GOD works for good. (Romans 8:28)
DO’S AND DON’T OF BEING A FRIEND TO A GRIEVING FRIEND:
PRAY - for them and WITH them.
DO Remember grief does not end (pain of their loss with always be there - it will change them but they will learn to co-exist with it)
DON’T use Platitudes (He’s with God now; Everything happens for a reason; At least you’re young and can get re-married) Even though they come from a good place - they are like daggers to the heart or that they are justifying what happened.
DO Acknowledge how bad it sucks. Don’t tip toe around your friend and wear kid-gloves. Don’t fear their tears. It’s ok to say “This sucks so bad, but we will get through this”. This lets your friend know that you understand and also let them know that they don’t have to go through this alone.
DON’T ask for help - just help. (How can I help? Call me if you need anything.) Your grieving friend is not in the right head space to think about what needs done in the next minute - instead, just LOOK for ways you can help or LISTEN to what they’re saying - which can give you clues how to help. Ask yourself the questions (Does her laundry need done? Does his yard need mowed? Make a grocery list, have them peruse it and then go shopping. Do prescriptions need picked up? Does she drink coffee - bring her Starbucks
DO Remember that holidays are hard, every year - not just the first. Not just the big holidays (Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, Mother’s/Father’s Day) But personal dates, Put those dates ( loved one’s birthday, the day they died, wedding anniversary, etc). On those days (big and personal) just shoot a text telling them you’re thinking about them and that you know the day is tough.
DO talk about their loved one. Many are afraid to bring up the name of the loved one that passed. Ask questions about their loved one (what was he like? What’s your favorite memory? What were your favorite qualities of her?) Most will light up with their good memories.
DON’T ask “What happened?” If you don’t know. That will make your friend rehash the painful details and remind them again that they’re no longer here.
DO just sit in silence if that is what your friend needs.
DO worship with them - your friend may not be ready to face people or go to church right away. So watch the online worship/sermon with them an evening during the week. Offer to bring dinner.
HOMEWORK
Write down a Bible verse that you put your hope in - memorize it - recite it often
Read the handout and answer the two questions at the end (even if you’re not on a grief journey - imagine how God’s Healing Path would be vs the World’s ie alcohol/drugs/etc)
Reach out to someone who you know is grieving - send a note, call them, meet for coffee, etc
Invite them to Griefshare